At a loss.

I'm practically at a loss for words. Well...practically...not actually. :)

This weekend was a rough one. I don't know why it was particularly difficult, but it was like all the feelings of missing Jake were overwhelming me...sadness, anger, exhaustion all wrapped into one ugly mess.

Asher and I had a good time swimming, running errands, and celebrating Halloween, intermingled with a few "good" 2.5 year old moments. I am SO grateful to those who understand 2.5 and assist in ways that go beyond helpful in my current state of mind.

For instance, first stop Saturday morning was the bank. I had a jar full of change plus some cash that I wanted to deposit into Asher's college savings account, so we had to go inside. Asher waited somewhat patiently, but when it got to be our turn he was done for, and so the lady behind the counter offered a sucker. Thank you Lady Behind the Counter for knowing just what works!

Next stop was the post office to drop off a care package for Daddy. I had everything on the declarations ready to go, package in hand, etc. I just should have known the line would have been out the door at 10 AM on a Saturday. While trying to juggle the package, and stand in line behind 8 people, and keep a hold of Mr. 2.5, he was also finishing his sucker. It is then that I realize that he's got the sucker AND half the stick in his mouth. As I am trying to wrangle these pieces out of his mouth so as not to choke, and maintain my place in the line, I believe the glimmer of sweat forming on my brow must have caught the eye of the man who was first in line. This man I would like to call Saintly Post Office Line Jump Allower. Saintly Post Office Line Jump Allower kindly offers for me to take the next open window. I, however, realize, that this means that I will also be "cutting" in front of the four other people who remain in line waiting, too. I kindly ask if they'd be OK with me going ahead of them, and no one grumbles loud enough audibly so I say thank you thank you thank you and try not to tear up and carry the kid in one arm with the purse slung over the shoulder and the 12 pound box in the other hand. When I lay it on the counter, Juanita, Post Office worker says "How did you just carry that one handed?! That was amazing!" I just smiled and said, "I'm doing a lot of jobs one handed these days...I guess I'm just getting used to it." She graciously stamped my declarations and got that package sent on it's way to our favorite soldier. And I humbly thanked Saintly Post Office Line Jump Allower once more as he held the door for me on the way out. There ARE still good strangers out there in the world.

And those examples are just the beginning. Remember how I told you about the friend who offered to help by getting some meals made up for us? Little did I know what a task Mandy took on....She found a website called TakeThemAMeal.com where she has arranged a schedule for meals to be brought to us every Monday and Thursday night. The response has been absolutely phenomenal. I have been overwhelmed to the point of tears at the generosity displayed by Jake's coworkers & their families, and also by book club and bible study friends who have jumped onto the "schedule," too. Warm lasagnas, tasty enchiladas, meatloaves, casseroles, soups and even delicious baked goods...better dinners than I would ever make for myself! These meals have been so invaluable to Asher & I. We get to enjoy a hot, homecooked dinner together without the stress that making it up brings. I can spend time with him - playing, reading, or giving him the attention he seeks at the end of his day. I've been so touched by these "gifts."

My dad and brother visited the other day to climb up on our treacherous roof and clean out the gutters to avoid any water problems. I hate that high roof, and they both don't get "paid enough" to take such good care of me, and yet every week they've dilligently mowed, raked, or done whatever yardwork (or take care of any other emergency issue that comes up) is necessary.

The other night I flipped on our furnace for the first time, and it wouldn't kick out the heat. I made a few phone calls and asked to make an appointment for service the next day. Instead, they came out at 10 PM and didn't charge us, just so that Asher & I wouldn't go through the night without heat.

Then today I was given a check. Some very special friends offered to pay for Jake's online services while he is overseas, so that we can be in constant communication via Skype, and most of all, so that he can see Asher and so that Asher can see his Daddy. When I opened the envelope containing the check, I was floored to see not one month, but FIVE months worth of the cost of the internet connection. What did we ever do to deserve such amazing friends and family who are so willing to take care of us and comfort us and look after us?

Like I said...I'm practically at a loss for words. But...I just had to get that all out first.

~Emily