A Partner to Stand By Me

I can't honestly say I remember the actual conversation when Jake first talked to me about joining the National Guard...but that's probably because it consisted of multiple conversations.

It was also 13 years ago!

I do, however, recall bits and pieces of it. He was telling me things like, "It's just 1 weekend a month, plus 2 weeks a year....nothing much." And i'm pretty sure it included a statement like, "And worst case scenario would be going to war, but that will like, pretty much, never happen."

We were so naive.

When we had this conversation, we had been dating less than a year, and were just 16 and 17 years old. How could we have ever known the turns that our world would have taken just a few short years later and where we would be now?

We weighed the pros and cons as teenagers in love....and ultimately Jake signed. For many years his obligation was just one weekend a month and two weeks for annual training. We attended Christmas parties and "balls." We thought we had "made it" when we lasted through basic training and AIT. Of course, in those early years, he sacrificed things like not being at my Proms and in later years my college graduation. But I know he would have been there if he could have been there.

Now it seems funny to look back, but I have been doing that a lot lately. Not in a bad way, but in a reflective, look how far we've come and grown and learned way.

I've recently shared with you two "Looking Back" blogs, but today I share a short piece I wrote in high school as part of my AP English Senior Anthology project (which, by the way, I got an A on!)

Stand By Me

written in 2000

As I was driving along one night, thinking of what on earth I could write about someone who means more than words to me, the perfect song came on the radio: "Stand By Me." All I could think about was Jake, our relationship, and how true those words were to us.

Throughout the past two and a half years together, we've been through so much. We've endured the switch to college, a long distance relationship, adn basic training. Anything that gets thrown our way, we seem to be able to handle. Childbirth and skydiving seem like cake to this relationship!

We've been through the good times and the bad times, the sick times and the healthy times. We have fun no matter what we do, whether it's sitting down at the river at our spot or just talking to each other online to cut the phone costs down. We try making the most of our time together because we realize how short life is and how important it is to not take each other for granted.

We've learned so much from each other. We've learned the art of communication, the importance of trust and respect, and what true love means. We've learned that lasting relationships are hard work and that supporting each other's activities and choices is important to us. We've learned to make sacrifices and to appreciate each other as individuals. Our relationship has taught us so much about each other, ourselves, and the world that no matter where we end up someday, we've already got a lot figured out.

Looking back at what I've written, I laugh but I also applaud. I'm proud that we had a fantastic friendship from the start, and that we realized what was important in keeping a strong bond. I laugh at how cliche I seemed and that this was before cell phones were so common, so we had to use calling cards or our parents' long distance to connect....and that I thought I knew what "tough" was when talking about all the things we had endured together. Little did I know we'd face deployments and infertility and so many other challenges that are inevitable as you progess through life in your 20's.

Now I look back at the 13 years we've been together and I think how far we've come and how blessed I am to have Jake to face this life with. While he's not always literally by my side, he is at my side in spirit. As I face the challenges of life with a VERY independent 2.5 year old, he admits that there is nothing he can do from where he is thousands of miles away to help get our son to listen or behave better, but he does have just the right words to say to help me know he supports me and loves me and that I am doing a great job (even when I feel far from it). He can't be there to put his arms around me and melt my anxieties, but he has pledged to juggle his busy life to be available to me when and if I need him. How amazing is he?!

So, today I say to my beautiful, wonderful husband "Thank you, for standing by me...It's such an honor and a blessing to stand by you."

~Emily